I have always been a “bookworm.” As a shy child, reading was my refuge. In Grade 1 I read more books than anyone else in my class. My reward was having the opportunity to read aloud to the principal. My love of books was so strong that it  outweighed my normally crippling anxiety and I remember proudly reading to the kindly Principal Chalmers.

Reading for me has always been my favourite form of play. Sure,  I built forts, and rode my bike like my friends, but nothing could engage me like diving into a book.  According to play researcher Stuart Brown,  there are several universal principles of play¹ : it is seemingly without purpose, voluntary in nature, inherently attractive, suspends time, diminishes  consciousness of self, inspires improvisation, and instills a desire to continue the activity. Reading for me was the purest form of play.

It makes sense, therefore, that reading would form part of my 50 Feats selections. While I enjoy all genres, I missed out on some of the “classic” books.  This gap led me to Feat #4 – Herman Melville’s Moby Dick. I decided to combine reading with walking and so downloaded the Moby Dick audio file to my phone and began my journey.

Perhaps I should have taken a better look at the length of the recording before beginning my feat. Melville, it turns out, is a very (very) descriptive writer. His tale of a white whale ran just short of 26 hours of audio covering 135 chapters (and an epilogue). Initially, I was intrigued by the relationship between the narrator, Ishmeal, and the “tattooed cannibal,” Queequag. I enjoyed the clever wordplay as he described the development of their unlikely friendship (“Throwing aside the counterpane, there lay the tomahawk sleeping by the savage’s side, as if it were a hatchet-faced baby.”).

Unfortunately, Melville’s detailed descriptions were not limited to the interchange between characters. There were chapters devoted to identifying various types of whales, every nook and cranny of a whaling vessel, and, yes, more descriptions of whales.  Much as I tried to stay in the moment, I confess to sometimes getting lost in my thoughts rather than focusing on the audio.

Overall, Moby Dick was not what my mother might have referred to as “my cup of tea.” Yet, I was able to take away a few positives from the experience:

• From the book: I discovered that “scuttlebutt” is the barrel on a ship that holds fresh water for the day. As the sailors passed buckets to fill the scuttlebutt, they gossiped back and forth with each other.
• From the method: I learned that I enjoyed listening to audiobooks. While, like e-books, audiobooks will never completely replace my love of turning the pages of a good, solid novel, I found a new way to enjoy “reading.”
• From the experience: I walked for almost 26 hours as a result of combining the audio book with my daily walks and increased my stamina in preparation for my next feat of walking around the Isle of Wight.

Would I consider this a successful feat? While I doubt that Herman Melville will be my next  poolside read, I enjoyed the process as a whole; reading is never a waste for me. And, in the event that sometime in your future a life depends upon being able to articulate the difference between a sperm whale and a right whale, I am so your leviathan savant.

Next up: a walking touring around the Isle of Wight.

¹ Brown, S. L. (2008, May). Play is more than just fun [Video file]. Retrieved from http://www.ted.com/talks/stuart_brown_says_play_is_more_than_fun_it_s_vital

I am a little embarrassed to say that I have never donated blood. As a young adult, I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and, as a result of frequent flare-ups, was very thin. When I considered giving blood at that time, I was under the weight requirement. I didn’t think much about it again until I began to create my 50 feats list and wanted to have some that involved giving back to my community.

According to Canadian Blood Services (blood.ca), 50% of Canadians will need blood, or know someone else who does, at some point in their lives. Yet, only 4% of Canadians actually donate.  Given that my blood type, A negative, is shared by only 4% of the population, I was even more excited about being able to help someone in need through my blood donation.

I signed up for a clinic that was at a local church. When I arrived, I was surprised by the number of cars in the parking lot and even more so when I entered – the church hall was alive with people.  A friendly volunteer named Janet gave me a number and, while I waited, I chatted with her about this being my first time giving blood.  She enthusiastically thanked me for choosing to donate.

My first stop was to have a small blood sample taken from my finger to check my iron level.  A lovely, young woman explained the process to me as she worked, all the while smiling despite the numerous hours she had already laboured.  A quick check showed that my iron level was within the normal range

Having passed the first test (since achieving the weight minimum was clearly not a stumbling block for me anymore), up next was a questionnaire regarding my health. While I waited for my number to be called this time, I was entertained by a little, blonde girl who had accompanied her parents to the clinic. She danced, and skipped about under the watchful eyes of her Mom and Dad, and for those of us awaiting our turn, she brought smiles to our faces and made the time fly.

It was quickly my turn; a lovely nurse ushered me into a cubical and  took my blood pressure and pulse before reviewing  my questionnaire with me.  I chatted with the nurse as she performed the tests, explaining my 50 Feats at 50 adventure and why I had chosen donating blood as one of my “firsts”.  She said she was inspired by the idea, that perhaps she would put together her own list.

When we go to the question regarding cancer and Crohn’s disease, I explained that I had ulcerative colitis, but that it was well controlled with maintenance drugs.  She consulted her manual and showed me the section on ulcerative colitis that excluded donations from those using medication.  While the reason I take medication is to reduce the potential of flare-ups, it meant that I was ineligible to donate.  The nurse explained that the standard was in place in order to protect my health. Every person has approximately 5 litres of blood and 450 ml is collected in one donation; the loss of nearly 1/10th of a person’s blood volume can cause a strain on the body which is not a problem for most healthy people, but could negatively impact my disease.

The nurse was incredibly supportive and took time to fully explain my situation.  The standards do sometimes change over time, so she suggested there was a chance I could give in the future.  She proposed another way of fulfilling my feat: by encouraging friends and family to donate.

As I left the building, I reflected on my situation. The truth is, I was disappointed to not be able to donate. But,  I recognize that not everything works  out in life the way we plan. I am the poster child for events taking a different kind of a turn; yet, I am also the greatest proponent of boldly taking that left turn and seeing where it leads. That’s just part of the adventure.

While my feat did not end with my blood donation, it did give me insight into the many people in my community who do choose to give back through their regular donations, by volunteering their time to make the whole experience possible, and educating people like me about the process.  Everyone I met was encouraging, warm, and sincerely thankful for the opportunity to both give and receive.

My feat began with an intention to give blood, but perhaps the feat that I was meant to perform was to illustrate for others how beautiful giving the gift of life can be.  There was a glow in that clinic hall from all the smiling faces and I could feel the warmth of every open heart (okay, there was a heat wave, but I believe it was the good karma in the room).

I hope that, like the kind nurse suggested, by sharing my experience, I might inspire someone else – or maybe a few others – to donate. If you do, I send you my heartfelt thanks in the knowledge that my 3rd feat has been completed vicariously though my community of beautiful connections.

Next up: A classical read, then a week-long walking tour around the Isle of Wight. For those who might wish to join me for other upcoming feats in the Fall, here’s a few in the works that might lend themselves to Feats with Friends: learning archery, going to a fortune teller, bird watching, getting a makeover, having formal afternoon tea, eating escargot, riding in a helicopter, going to a dog show, volunteering at a shelter, learning to belly dance, hot air ballooning.  If you’d like to join in, or suggest another feat, feel free to leave me a message on my site (SilverLiningFrog.com) or by email (smifsud44@hotmail.com).

Mount Carmel Spiritual Centre, Niagara Falls

When I was creating my list of 50 Feats, I chose not to make a “bucket list,” but rather to select novel activities that would impact my physical, mental, and spiritual wellbeing. On the spiritual side, I wondered about attending some kind of retreat.  While I am not religious, I wanted to nurture my spiritual self, but I wasn’t sure what that might look like.  A quick internet search brought me to the Mount Carmel Spiritual Centre (http://www.carmelniagara.com/).

Located on Stanley Avenue in Niagara Falls, I have driven passed the Centre dozens of times over the years without knowing much about it other than to occasionally note how beautiful the buildings and grounds were. I thought it was a church, but never considered that it might be open to the public.  The Monastery of Mount Carmel was constructed in 1894 as a hospice and spiritual retreat. Over the years it has served as a seminary and convent, and returned to its original purpose in 1979; today it hosts a variety of seminars and retreats on 10 beautiful acres of gardens, vineyards, and woods.

Serendipity was at play as I reviewed a list of the courses: Awakening to Happiness, Love, and Wisdom, a day-long workshop was being offered July 25. The description indicated that participants would learn the steps required to use our level of awareness to promote wholeness and wellbeing – just up my alley. I called to reserve my spot and awaited the date.

The conference started at 9:30, but my companion anxiety has always ensured I am early to everything so I had a good hour before the workshop. The upside of my “just in case” arrival was having plenty of time to wander the grounds under a sunny, clear-blue sky, admiring the vivid green of the grape vines, and the majesty of the towering old brick structures.  Other morning meanderers exchanged quiet hellos and shared a soft awe for our surroundings.  I walked through the chapel and felt enveloped in its cool serenity. A quick peek into the offices gave me a glimpse of ancient book-laden shelves that harkened back to the roots of the monastery. Had my day ended here, I would have felt well served in the promotion of my wholeness and wellbeing.

The workshop consisted of 8 participants (all women) and the presenter. Half had been to Dr. Fazzari’s workshops previously; the others, like me, were new to the experience. The time passed quickly as he shared information about recent neuroscientific research about the brain’s ability to replace negative neural pathways with positive experiences and connections. The afternoon focused on love defined as a behaviour not a feeling – love as a verb rather than a noun. Finally, we considered the concept of success from a holistic, spiritual perspective: being happy with who you are, where you are, with what you have, and with whom you decide to share it.

After the workshop I reflected on the presentation of cutting-edge research in this century-old environment. The research was new, but the ideas aren’t:  joy, faith, hope, and love.

So how was my second fabulous feat? A little slower paced than the first, but exhilarating in its own way. My desire for meaning and purpose connected me with a group of strangers on their own spiritual journeys, and our hearts knew each other. How special and simple to learn that, if you only look, you can find these connections in your own spiritual backyard.

Next up: time to put a little of myself into the experiment, literally with my first blood donation.

How fortunate I was to be able to start my 50 feats by taking my very first motorcycle ride! Mother Nature was kind to me and provided an absolutely beautiful, sunny day for my adventure and the Universe arranged for a wonderful friend and his gorgeous, red motorcycle to be available to take me on my actual birthday.

I had a little learning to do in advance of the trip: what to wear – long pants, boots, a jacket, helmet, of course; what to do – get on and off from the left, keep your feet up at stops; what not to do – leaning in the opposite direction to the driver when turning can dump the bike.

With the basics covered, we were on our way.  I was tentative at first; holding on for dear life probably best describes my riding style.  But, it wasn’t long before I was able to just experience the thrill of feeling the wind in my face (a little bonus – a temporary face lift and exfoliation from the force of the air combined with the occasional bug), and the rush of speeding along with only the motorcycle between me and the great everything in the world.

While I was merely a passenger, I can totally understand the appeal of driving a motorcycle.  A 2013 study by Kelton (http://keltonglobal.com/in-the-media/harley-davidson-study-women-who-ride-are-happier-more-fulfilled/), commissioned by Harley Davidson, found that female riders reported feeling more confident and satisfied with their appearance than non-riders.  As well, more than half described themselves as feeling happier and almost 75% believed their lives had improved since they started riding.  Perhaps that is part of the communion between drivers who, when passing each other on the road, give a little wave, a low-handed peace sign, a motorcycle equivalent of ‘namaste’ – the rider spirit in me acknowledges the rider spirit in you.

Even as a passenger, I felt an incredible freedom in being so close to world around me, and the wild adrenaline spike zooming up and down hills, and seemingly suspended in mid-air as we leaned towards the ground around curves.  I confess to engaging in several bouts of uncool whooping and hollering with glee like a child on an amusement park ride.

When I chose my feat, it was not to drive a motorcycle (breath easy all who are familiar with my driving prowess). I wanted to be a passenger, which I think also provided a unique and powerful perspective. While the motorcycle drivers in the Kelton study expressed a feeling of independence, I enjoyed the trust relationship that is part of the passenger-driver connection.  As I have noted in previous posts, I live with anxiety and am generally not much of a risk taker. Eric Weiner (The Geography of Bliss: http://www.ericweinerbooks.com/) suggests trust is necessary for happiness and that both trusting and being trusted are significant factors in having a blissful life. I discovered that the same is true of having a successful motorcycle ride: I had complete faith in the skills of my driver, and knew he would keep me safe; in turn, he trusted that I would follow his lead, remembering the do’s and don’ts, and just enjoy the ride.  So simple, but impossible to achieve without solid faith in each other.  And not lost on me as a metaphor for life.

How blessed I have been to begin my journey of fabulous feats with such a magnificent experience!  My thanks go out to Mother Nature, and my great friend Les for an adventure to reflect upon and remember.  Next up: a spiritual retreat of sorts, after which I will post feats-in-the-works and a call for volunteers to join in those that lend themselves to group involvement.  See you next week…

One week to go before the big 5-0. It occurs to me that before I look ahead at the feats to come, I want to take a little glance back to remind myself of all the joys in my life for which I am thankful.

Brene Brown (brenebrown.com) has done extensive research on the benefits of gratitude.  After conducting hundreds of interviews with people living joyful lives, she noted a commonality among them: they all practice gratitude.  They did not just having an attitude of gratitude, however, they made thankfulness a conscious act.  Our brains are wired to be more attuned to threats, which was important when our Neanderthal ancestors were battling wild animals for survival, but can make our present day focus skewed towards negativity.  The practice of gratitude reconnects us to an awareness of the positives in life.

I have practiced gratitude through keeping a gratitude journal, participating in thankfulness-based meditation, and by speaking aloud three things for which I am grateful before going to sleep, and upon waking in the morning.  It may sound hokey, and to be honest, it felt a bit artificial when I first started, but it has changed the way I see the world.  There are days when it is easy to bring to mind all the good stuff; other days, I am content with reminding myself that I am “on this side of the dirt” or that I survived to see the day’s end and that is enough. Either way, I begin and end with an awareness that I am blessed.

As I look back on my first half-century, there have definitely been lows as well as highs – I’m pretty sure that’s how life works. Today, I choose to focus my attention on just a few of the many positives that have made my years so meaningful so far:

• I savour the memories of my boys growing up into wonderful, loving, caring young men and the fact that I have the privilege of continuing to learn and grow with and from them every day.
• I  am thankful for the great friends that I have, old (oops, “experienced”) and young, near and far, past and present, who have been and continue to be my pillars of support, and pillows of comfort.  I love you all so very much.
• I am grateful for all of the opportunities I have been afforded in my life – whether they turned out to be brilliant successes, or raging failures, I gained immeasurably from the experiences (this is certainly easier to see looking back than it was at the time).
• I appreciate the gifts I have received from living with mental illness. As a result of the struggles I have dealt with due to my illnesses, I have come to know a great deal about my authentic self.  I discovered my strengths, developed resilience, recognized the importance of compassion and kindness, and opened myself up to living a life with personal meaning and purpose.

T-minus one week and I am truly grateful to have the ability to not just experience 50 new adventures, but to share the excitement through this blog. For those events that lend themselves to group participation, I will give advance notice in case others would like to come along for the ride (sometimes figuratively, sometimes literally). For those who can’t join in on these feats in person, maybe you can begin your own new feat: how about a gratitude practice?

I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness – it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.  -Brene Brown

In my last post,  I introduced my intention to pursue a year-long adventure quest that I am calling 50 Fabulous Feats @ 50. My impetus for the project is multi-faceted, but a key reason is to engage in my own positive psychology experiment.  I have lived with depression and anxiety for my entire adult life. For me, medication supports my ongoing mental health, but it has been important for me to explore those things within my control that can enhance my well-being. I have spent time reading about the latest research, particularly around positive psychology. While I am hardly able to do justice to the work done in this field in this brief blog, my experiment was inspired by Sonja Lyubomirsky’s research which suggests “dynamic, episodic, novel, and attention-enticing” intentional activities support increased and lasting well-being (see http://sonjalyubomirsky.com/ for more information). So, my plan to do 50 things that I have never done before is about deliberately enhancing my own happiness.

It has been great fun over the last couple of weeks to share my ideas for the 50 Feats @ 50 adventure with family, friends, and strangers alike, asking for opinions and suggestions about what I should add to the list.  Such interesting and wildly different answers: the CN Tower EdgeWalk is a popular one; skydiving is another that has come up frequently. For those who didn’t read my first blog, let me reiterate that I am both scared of heights and rather risk averse, so, while these might be just right for some folks, neither made it on to my list. Others had more sentimental  suggestions: send a message in a bottle out to sea; go on a romantic picnic.  I like these, so they made the cut.  Still others offered not only their recommendations, but to join me in the pursuits: horseback riding, hot air ballooning, canoeing, afternoon tea at an elegant establishment, bird watching. They all sound like great fun, made better by the added bonus of having friends to share the experiences. Still others came up with things I would never have thought of myself: going to a shooting range, attending a dog show (I am assured it is just like the movie Best in Show), going to a fortune teller to find out what the next 50 years have in store for me.  I have also added the feats that involve giving back to my community: planting a tree (or 50 of them) for posterity, donating blood, serving at a homeless shelter.  Then, there are the personal health and wellness feats: running (or walking really fast) in a 5 K race; maintaining a meditation practice; taking a yoga class.  Finally, there are a few feats that are particularly special to me. People who know me well (okay, even in passing) are aware that Kermit the Frog is my hero.  I grew up with Sesame Street and The Muppet Show, and love all the movies (1999’s Muppets From Space does not count). Like most people, I want to meet my hero, but only recently figured out how I could do this. Kermit, as well as a number of his Muppet companions, can be found at the National Museum of American History in Washington, D.C. Sounds like a road trip could be in the cards for me!

So, T minus two weeks to the launch of 50 feats. For anyone with more ideas to share, I’d love to hear them; and if you want to participate in a fabulous feat or two, please drop me a line. What’s better than 50 Fabulous Feats @ 50? Easy: 50 Fabulous Feats @50 with Friends!

Next month marks the beginning of my half century year.  While some women avoid admitting to such milestone in age, I have decided to embrace my 50th year and enjoy it wholeheartedly. So, I am embarking on a yearlong adventure I am calling 50 Fabulous Feats @ 50 in which I will prove that you can teach a middle-aged dog new tricks by engaging in a series of “firsts” for me.

Each week I will pick a person, place, or thing that is new to me and expand my world just a little by meeting, visiting, or doing something that I’ve never done before.  Each week I plan to blog about my experiences, thoughts, and learnings. Before you get too excited, however, you need to understand a couple of things about me. I have spent much of my life as a scaredy cat: I live with anxiety, am frightened of heights, and have lived a rather safe, risk-averse life. As a result, some of my firsts may be laughable to “normal” folks. I have never ridden on a motorcycle, gone horseback riding, or eaten escargot. I also want to explore both my inner and outer world so one week I may go up in a hot air ballon, while the next I could go on a spiritual retreat. Finally, I want to give back to the world that has given me so much love, support, and beauty; I plan to engage in activities with meaning and purpose to express my gratitude for all the prosperity in my life through such things as donating blood, planting trees, and working for charitable causes. While these “feats” may seem mundane to some, they will be “fabulous” to me.

I hope you will join me on my journey vicariously and, perhaps in some cases, in person if you think you might like to participate in a feat that resonates with you, too. I will post my ideas for activities shortly, and I would love to receive any ideas you might have to add to the list. I’m excited about my year of firsts and can’t wait to hit the big 5-0 to start!

I just posted Looking Back-Looking Forward on Healthy Minds Canada at http://healthymindscanada.ca/looking-back-looking-forward/

The creation of this SilverLiningFrog represents the fulfilment of a dream for me. Having had the privilege to be a Mental Health Blogger with Healthy Minds Canada for the last year, I have come to love being able to share my thoughts, ideas, and understanding related to mental illness from the perspective of someone with lived experience.

In my first post, I wanted to provide a little background regarding the origins of my site name. I have closely identified with the frog as my symbol for many years; my favourite Muppet is, of course, Kermit, and, over time, as people came to know my interest in frogs, the number of stuffed animals, pictures, and figures I received filled my home and office. But, over the years, I experienced my share of life challenges and the frog became more than just something to collect; it came to be my animal totem. The frog represents metamorphosis; it supports clarity and the ability to accept the changes that come with life transformations – the good and the bad. On my 46^th birthday, I had a frog tattooed on my ankle (I have told my young adult sons that they, too, can get tattoos on their 46^th birthdays) to remind me that life is all about growth and change.

The “silver lining” comes from my choice in seeing opportunity in the wake of most challenges. While my issues with depression and anxiety have been debilitating at various points in my life, living with mental illness has also allowed me to examine my life and my priorities and I believe I know myself better as a result. And, although I don’t believe that things happen for a reason – there are too many terrible things that happen for me to understand the world in this way – I do think you can create meaning and purpose from difficult situations. According to Sonja Lyubomirsky in The Myths of Happiness, the greatest adaptive strategy for traumatic situations involves dissecting and systematically analyzing painful times in order to better understand them, gain some meaning from them, and thereby, get past them.

Susan Mifsud

I hope that through SilverLiningFrog I will be able to continue my life’s journey by sharing my passion for mental health education, advocacy, and stigma elimination. Thank you for those who choose to join me in the next stage of my adventure.